I survived. o.o Oki so drove down there and I did okay for most of the drive had some soothing music on my cd player and everybody stayed mostly quiet (except dad started hitting me on the head with his handicapped parking tag). We were about ten minutes late even though we left an hour before we needed to be there. Anyway, dad stayed out with the car and mom and I went in and up to the 13th floor (shaky elevator) and sat in the waiting space for about 20 minutes. Lawyer came out and took us down to the 5th? or 3rd floor, and we had this really heavy set black old guy with a big frown go through our purses and my carry on (bananas my lil monkey stuffed animal didn't seem to soothe his mood and of course mom had to make sure he knew the stuff 'in there' was mine not hers cuz god forbid she carry a lil monkey around).

Anyway we went into a side room office and spent the next hour going over things and my lawyer was very serious and gave me the impression he wasn't very happy with my case or didn't think we could win, etc. so I was really nervous. After that hour of answering questions he said I'd be doing a lot of talking in the hearing and I was like OMG but he said its just all things you already know so don't worry about it. (I'm like you realize you're talking to a panic disorder person here??? Having to pee when I'm away from home in the past caused me panic, I mean really.)

Anyway lawyer, myself, and the recorder lady (who was nice) were in the room it was an office with a little tv at the one end and a table with five chairs in a horseshoe and three computers and sound recording devices (thankfully no visible big camera I had feared). The judged talked fast and kind of low so I had a little trouble keeping track. I got sworn in (for the first time in my life it's stressful by the way) and then the judge and lawyer talked for a minute.

Then it turned out for a good 20+ minutes the lawyer basically asked me a whole bunch of questions about my therapy what I can and can't do at home and if I can drive and medications and all sorts of stuff my heard pounded the whole time and I was so tight and tense my upper body is like jelly now. Anyway I wobbled talking and had some trouble but at least I got stuff out of my mouth (words that is.)

Then the vocational expert person who was sitting with the judge who I never saw on camera started talking and said based on the work recommendations of the past psychiatrist I saw and all these codes and number things that I couldn't work as a preschool teacher but I could work in the capacity of say a night cleaner and a wire worker (whatever that is).

Then my lawyer stated some things and then said/reiterated that my therapist and the psych both said that I need an isolated job with none or a small group of employees that I am familiar with/know well, and my lawyer pointed out any new employment would mean I wouldn't know anybody there.

Then in that case the vocational person said no I couldn't find employment in what he said I could. Yay! So then the judge said is there anything you wanted to add I said no, the lawyer said he was done, and the mics were turned off at 11:01 his time 10:01 our time (they recorded/stated the time at termination or whatever).

So I followed lawyer out and found mom and we all went into the hallway and he said this judge isn't a great judge as he says no all the time and he pays very minimally, he says they don't even work with him anymore but because my case has taken so long we were stuck with the original person I was assigned to (oh joy).

It was then the lawyer finally said I have a great case and any other judge would just say yes and they pay better, and if this judge happens to say no which he shouldn't but if he does they'd defeinatly appeal because I have a great case and he said I did excellent answering his questions (which was really scary cuz in the hearing itself he was so serious and sounded unconvinced of things!!!).

Then got to breathe and said goodbye he said we'd know in 4-6 weeks (that long really??). Mom and I went down in the rickety elevator to see a MASS of people having like a christmas party or something and I was like OMFG no no no no no so we stood outside while I called dad to pick us up. He said he was down the street to the left and we walked a block and couldn't find him (this is downtown Minneapolis remember) and had to walk back and he was there he hadn't gone a street down like he'd led me to believe but anyway . . .

I am home I surivived! So now I'm not sure if it would be better for the judge to say yes and pay low or to say no and we go through this with a new judge who would pay better and say yes.

I just am hiding the rest of the day. ._. I am physically exhausted from being so tense earlier.